Thursday, January 10, 2013

Feeling crappy eating crappy

I spotted on the 8th. My period due on the 10th so I knew it was coming. It always does that. I've pretty much started today. I don't have any backache or cramps yet but I'm sure it'll be full force tomorrow. Happy Friday. I've been in a crap mood today but getting a little better, at least I'm not on the verge of tears anymore. I've pretty much been void of emotion today, zombie-like.

A few days ago I bought Easymac, Ramen cups, oatmeal creme pie's and brownies. It's awful. My girlfriend said getting fat isn't the same as being pregnant. I eat awful. I'm an emotional eater and a boredom eater. I know I shouldn't. It will take longer in the end to get off. I want to lose weight but don't want to work out rigorously since I'm "trying."

I'm not sure what my next step is. We are at 16 months of trying. I know others have tried for way longer and sometimes I feel bad complaining but I'm so ready for my life to change and be about my child. I want to have good news to tell my family, friends and husband instead of the same thing every month. I feel like something is missing from my life. I feel incomplete. I love my dogs and will always show them attention and love on them even when I have children, but I don't want to just be the crazy dog lady.

I guess I need to start thinking about a laproscopy and saving for artificial insemination. I don't know what I'd do though if I did those and spent all that money and it doesn't work. I know it's not guaranteed.

My right side feels weird too today, almost like ovulation pains. Maybe it's just gas. Who knows.

My friends baby will be here in a few weeks and then another one after that and then another one. Only one of them was trying. I sometimes see families with three children and think why can't god give each of us at least one. Share :) Then I feel guilty for getting so jealous.

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