Wednesday, April 3, 2013

defeated

I'm starting to get an awful attitude today. I feel all around defeated. The house we liked is under contract by someone else, not pregnant.. it's a lot of stress and one thing after another.

I wish I was pregnant and closing on our "family friendly" neighborhood house that needed NO work. There is still one house we like, but it's not my ideal one to be honest. I was only super excited about it before I saw the other one. It's hard because we have to sell ours before we can buy another one. Everything depends on the other thing, and so on and so on.

It's almost like since it seems I can't get pregnant the family house was taken away.. a sign?

I guess I'm having a down day.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

wish list..

Things I was hoping to do:

  1. tell my husband, family, and friends the good news in a creative and fun way
  2. skype the news with my parents
  3. cry from hearing the good news
  4. buy some non gender related clothing 
  5. get an ultrasound
  6. put our ultrasound on facebook 

Heartbroken and deflated

I wanted it so bad, everyone wanted it so badly for me. It's such a let down and I feel like everyone else is let down too. I know they just want it for me because I want it so badly. I knew my blood results would be negative because I took two home pregnancy tests and both were negative and I could tell my period was coming. I don't know why I'm still so upset today. I expected it. I think it just seems more final that's all. I'm exhausted emotionally.

I talked myself into being pregnant, I had nausea and food aversions and was sensitive to smells too. I had it all but sore boobs and nipple color change.

I guess we'll take a few months off and relax and save up for our next IUI. I hope number two is successful. Hearing the nurse say a 12% success rate is the national average is pretty depressing. It makes me wonder if it will ever happen. I need to keep positive though.

I had been thinking of cute ways to tell my husband he was going to be a daddy.