I'm just coming off my period but feeling quite bitter and cranky. Maybe it's because I'm trying to figure out my next step and can't even get an actual human being on the phone at the fertility clinic in Huntersville. I got two messages when I called. Why does every fertility clinic have the worst customer service, don't they know they are dealing with sad hormonal women? Not being able to get pregnant is frustrating enough without being irritated each time I have to call Reach or Affordable Fertility!
I can't win. I'm hoping an OB GYN will do what I need instead of a fertility clinic. They are nicer and maybe it's cheaper.
Yesterday I found out yet another person is pregnant. I know I shouldn't be so jealous but it's hard. I have these herbal pregnancy prep pills. OMG are they gross. I mean I'll try anything at this point to get pregnant.
I just keep on praying. And saying maybe next month is my month. Maybe we'll make a Valentine's baby.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Feeling crappy eating crappy
I spotted on the 8th. My period due on the 10th so I knew it was coming. It always does that. I've pretty much started today. I don't have any backache or cramps yet but I'm sure it'll be full force tomorrow. Happy Friday. I've been in a crap mood today but getting a little better, at least I'm not on the verge of tears anymore. I've pretty much been void of emotion today, zombie-like.
A few days ago I bought Easymac, Ramen cups, oatmeal creme pie's and brownies. It's awful. My girlfriend said getting fat isn't the same as being pregnant. I eat awful. I'm an emotional eater and a boredom eater. I know I shouldn't. It will take longer in the end to get off. I want to lose weight but don't want to work out rigorously since I'm "trying."
I'm not sure what my next step is. We are at 16 months of trying. I know others have tried for way longer and sometimes I feel bad complaining but I'm so ready for my life to change and be about my child. I want to have good news to tell my family, friends and husband instead of the same thing every month. I feel like something is missing from my life. I feel incomplete. I love my dogs and will always show them attention and love on them even when I have children, but I don't want to just be the crazy dog lady.
I guess I need to start thinking about a laproscopy and saving for artificial insemination. I don't know what I'd do though if I did those and spent all that money and it doesn't work. I know it's not guaranteed.
My right side feels weird too today, almost like ovulation pains. Maybe it's just gas. Who knows.
My friends baby will be here in a few weeks and then another one after that and then another one. Only one of them was trying. I sometimes see families with three children and think why can't god give each of us at least one. Share :) Then I feel guilty for getting so jealous.
A few days ago I bought Easymac, Ramen cups, oatmeal creme pie's and brownies. It's awful. My girlfriend said getting fat isn't the same as being pregnant. I eat awful. I'm an emotional eater and a boredom eater. I know I shouldn't. It will take longer in the end to get off. I want to lose weight but don't want to work out rigorously since I'm "trying."
I'm not sure what my next step is. We are at 16 months of trying. I know others have tried for way longer and sometimes I feel bad complaining but I'm so ready for my life to change and be about my child. I want to have good news to tell my family, friends and husband instead of the same thing every month. I feel like something is missing from my life. I feel incomplete. I love my dogs and will always show them attention and love on them even when I have children, but I don't want to just be the crazy dog lady.
I guess I need to start thinking about a laproscopy and saving for artificial insemination. I don't know what I'd do though if I did those and spent all that money and it doesn't work. I know it's not guaranteed.
My right side feels weird too today, almost like ovulation pains. Maybe it's just gas. Who knows.
My friends baby will be here in a few weeks and then another one after that and then another one. Only one of them was trying. I sometimes see families with three children and think why can't god give each of us at least one. Share :) Then I feel guilty for getting so jealous.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Movie Night
Having a relaxing night with my hubby, watching a couple redbox movies while he makes homemade popcorn and hot chocolate. It's nights like these that we need to enjoy while there isn't a baby around. Although I do go to sit down and notice my boobs are tender.
The whole boob thing is so annoying. They are sore if pregnant, sore if period is coming, sore after ovulation.. so pretty much tender boobs all but a few days! So unless I'm throwing up randomly I'll just think that I'm not pregnant! I read into symptoms way too much and too easily. They say oh don't stress yourself out, but it's utterly impossible. I don't stress all month about it just the two weeks after ovulation, of course. I try to distract myself but I can't stay busy forever. I can't go in any store without looking at baby clothes. I think of ways to tell our parents and to tell Brandon the big news, one day, all the time.
The whole boob thing is so annoying. They are sore if pregnant, sore if period is coming, sore after ovulation.. so pretty much tender boobs all but a few days! So unless I'm throwing up randomly I'll just think that I'm not pregnant! I read into symptoms way too much and too easily. They say oh don't stress yourself out, but it's utterly impossible. I don't stress all month about it just the two weeks after ovulation, of course. I try to distract myself but I can't stay busy forever. I can't go in any store without looking at baby clothes. I think of ways to tell our parents and to tell Brandon the big news, one day, all the time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)