On another note super excited to find out gender

I can't wait to find out the gender so the pregnancy will seem more real and we can start decorating and shopping

I see so much baby girl stuff I want

gap onsie

super cute gap dress

obsessed with this gap dress

Scared

So many things to be scared of..
watching The Baby Story and Baby's first Day and it's scaring the crap out of me, but I figured better to not be scared of the unknown.

I cringe watching the epidural, c-sections and the baby being pushed out. I hate how long of a process it is, why does it have to take like 14 hours?!?!?!

I hope I don't worry and freak myself out my entire last trimester. I tend to build things up until they happen so much that when that day or procedure comes I'm extremely anxious and sick and pass out.

• infections during flu season during my last trimester or fevers
• infections during labor
• pain pain, not being strong enough to handle it
• how out of shape I will be for the birth
• the lack of sleep we'll have for the next ten years
• how new baby will affect our marriage
• that i wont be the most patient momma
• I'm scared until each appointment when I hear the baby's heart beat again

Right now it doesn't feel like I'm really pregnant, I think when the baby starts kicking that will be great and reassuring and knowing the sex will make it seem more real. How will my two dogs take to the baby. Will we have enough money for day care, dr bills, groceries, especially with the new house. 

When does the maternal guilt start, the I'm not good enough, well I'm thinking while pregnant. I had aspired to eat organic and super healthy while pregnant but lately I eat whatever won't come back up, if I can eat. I had a pregnancy melt down the other night and was feeling guilty because I haven't been eating healthy enough and have been too sick to clean the house and make it look nice. We just moved so there is still stuff everywhere. I don't really have any energy or motivation.

I can't complain, I've wanted this forever. I will say it's not easy. I have Zofran generic but I've been getting such bad headaches I try not to take it much because one of the side affects is headaches. My momma lets me call her and complain and she doesn't make me feel guilty for doing it. I love her.

The other thing that makes me feel weird or judged is when you tell someone you are pregnant the first thing they look at is your stomach. I've always been self conscious of mine, at least ever since I got out of high school. I was kind of chubby before pregnancy so I'm not fond of my belly being touched or looked at. I feel like too when you say how far along you are, the person starts to ponder whether you look too big for that month.. like oh she looks 6 months not 3!!

I know God will work everything out. There are a lot of worries though that come up but I just have to let them go and pray.

Red solo cup

I'm officially pregnant! Lol I grocery shopped with a red solo cup in my purse in case I got sick. I fit right in at Walmart..but definitely had shoes on unlike some I saw! 

I had to hurry past the pigs feet and Vienna sausages eeekk. 

My main goal was heart worm medicine for dogs and comfy cotton shorts, still in search of the shorts. 

First trimester is almost over, thank god. So ready to hear that heart beat again too and make sure everything is okay! Ill be glad to start feeling better and get more active. 

Super cool gift idea

JHill Design Great wedding and other gift idea, UNIQUE

There are bunch here I'd love to have!

defeated

I'm starting to get an awful attitude today. I feel all around defeated. The house we liked is under contract by someone else, not pregnant.. it's a lot of stress and one thing after another.

I wish I was pregnant and closing on our "family friendly" neighborhood house that needed NO work. There is still one house we like, but it's not my ideal one to be honest. I was only super excited about it before I saw the other one. It's hard because we have to sell ours before we can buy another one. Everything depends on the other thing, and so on and so on.

It's almost like since it seems I can't get pregnant the family house was taken away.. a sign?

I guess I'm having a down day.

wish list..

Things I was hoping to do:

1. tell my husband, family, and friends the good news in a creative and fun way
2. skype the news with my parents
3. cry from hearing the good news
4. buy some non gender related clothing 
5. get an ultrasound
6. put our ultrasound on facebook