Wednesday, April 3, 2013

defeated

I'm starting to get an awful attitude today. I feel all around defeated. The house we liked is under contract by someone else, not pregnant.. it's a lot of stress and one thing after another.

I wish I was pregnant and closing on our "family friendly" neighborhood house that needed NO work. There is still one house we like, but it's not my ideal one to be honest. I was only super excited about it before I saw the other one. It's hard because we have to sell ours before we can buy another one. Everything depends on the other thing, and so on and so on.

It's almost like since it seems I can't get pregnant the family house was taken away.. a sign?

I guess I'm having a down day.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

wish list..

Things I was hoping to do:

  1. tell my husband, family, and friends the good news in a creative and fun way
  2. skype the news with my parents
  3. cry from hearing the good news
  4. buy some non gender related clothing 
  5. get an ultrasound
  6. put our ultrasound on facebook 

Heartbroken and deflated

I wanted it so bad, everyone wanted it so badly for me. It's such a let down and I feel like everyone else is let down too. I know they just want it for me because I want it so badly. I knew my blood results would be negative because I took two home pregnancy tests and both were negative and I could tell my period was coming. I don't know why I'm still so upset today. I expected it. I think it just seems more final that's all. I'm exhausted emotionally.

I talked myself into being pregnant, I had nausea and food aversions and was sensitive to smells too. I had it all but sore boobs and nipple color change.

I guess we'll take a few months off and relax and save up for our next IUI. I hope number two is successful. Hearing the nurse say a 12% success rate is the national average is pretty depressing. It makes me wonder if it will ever happen. I need to keep positive though.

I had been thinking of cute ways to tell my husband he was going to be a daddy.

Friday, March 29, 2013

almost time

I had my iui on the 15th of March, my blood test for pregnancy is on April 1st.. I know I could test now if I wanted or Saturday or Sunday but I'm trying not to. This is torture though.

I havent spotted yesterday or today and normally I spot before my period but I did spot a few days ago. My boobs aren't sore. My stomach feels blah sometimes.. I don't know.

Monday, March 25, 2013

uggg

It sucks that taking Progesterone causes a lot of people the same side affects as being pregnant.. like this afternoon and tonight I've been having nausea. Like just ugg...

If I knew I was pregnant I'd enjoy be happy to be nauseas.


Today I've been moody, or was a few times but maybe it was justified. I get moody the week before my period, so that worries me though.

I feel like if I find out I'm pregnant I'll immediately want to go shopping.

Progesterone also makes you sleepy and I could sleep for days. I don't want to wake up in the mornings at all and could go to bed at 7pm haha.

My progesterone levels were good though. I got the results online and my fertility doctor hasn't called about it yet. They were 29.4 which is good to make a baby with and means I ovulated.

I just so want to have good news to tell my friends and family on Monday that are waiting. I took my results day off from work. I work with all men and really want to be able to be at home and mopey or do what I need to do. I would get tested in the morning and then get the call at work. I don't want the news at work.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Dislikes

Dislike waiting!!

Dislike waiting to pee until putting in progesterone then waiting 30 minutes

Dislike friends hearts breaking from not getting pregnant

Dislike hearing about if iui doesn't work expect a bad period

Dislike preparing for bad news just in case

Dislike getting tested in am and waiting then getting called at work

Dislike walking by baby section and not buying things

Dislike how tired progesterone makes me feel

Dislike no one ever says the right thing